Out of all of the posts I've read on Substack about the latest batch of dystopian nightmares in America, this is the one that made me feel the most seen. Thank you for that.
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of embodied prayer lately; the idea that sometimes just living your life and doing each menial, mundane task to the best of your present ability can be a spiritual practice all on its own. Not that I'm a particularly spiritual person - "agnostic, on a good day," is pretty much my speed. But, it reminds me that the good work of building a better world starts with each of us, wherever we happen to be. For parents, a big part of that work is guiding/guarding the next vulnerable generation to adulthood through an increasingly hostile world.
Fellow parents, I see you. Our work truly matters, even when wiping runny noses (for the twelfth time today) and folding the (unending) laundry feels trivial in the face of so much darkness. We are the ones our children need. We are enough. ❤️
My boys are in their thirties. I remember teachers not showing up for their IEPs. I remember being exhausted with work and hurrying to the parent teacher conference only to have their teacher not show up and they get away with it. I remember my sons assesment being halted by a principle and that same principle calling my son lazy. Doctor who was obviously not qualified to assess saying he wasnt ADD if he could sit for three hours and read a book but he couldn’t concentrate on math, physical ed or social studies. But I couldnt get the required referral.
I fought these fights so you wouldn’t have to and now it was all for nothing because of this administration. I’m exhausted just thinking about going back through that for my grandkids.
My kids are well adjusted adults now. I think its because they had caring parents that paid attention to them, played with them, read with them. No matter what your kids come first and you are a good parent.
Such beautiful mothering you did for your boys❤️I truly mean that. The fight was not for nothing, IEP mamas everywhere are picking up the sword and thanking you for all your work ❤️
I like that you provide action points here. (As a Canadian my actions will be different, but with the possible sinking of our economy too and the comments Trim makes about taking us over... I search for every sign I can that Americans are working to fix this mess.)
I don't know if mothering gets easier or harder as the kids get older. Mine are teens and so more independent, but that means I can't shelter them from anything that is happening in the world and I have to find ways of assuring them they still have a future even in those moments when I wondered if any of us do.
Best of luck... Stay strong and know you are not alone.
Christy, from an American mother just across the border, I’m genuinely outraged at how our current administration has treated your country. I have started looking for Canadian companies to support, and am continuing to write my representatives on a regular basis asking them to grow a pair and start treating Canada like the amazing neighbor you all are. There are a lot of us on your side ❤️
In the same boat you are. Wanting to take action but man I'm so depleted from the newly single mom wife. How do you keep track of the crazies happening everyday, on top of kid's school stuff, and work stuff, and making sure we have dinner, that we're clean, etc etc? I have divested from Amazon and Target, and have been shopping at the local co-op instead. I've started buying less. It's the little things. Making phone calls is kinda hard for me because I hate making phone calls, so I've opted to just started writing instead.
Whew, that's a lot on your plate. I've significantly cut back on spending and have shifted my purchases, but still need to figure out how to divest from the companies I'm no longer buying from. If I can encourage you, I also detest phone calls but will echo Jade in recommending the 5 calls app. I'm calling all DEEP red reps and everyone I've spoken to has been very courteous. Lmk if you have any questions about how it goes or how to start. You may know this already but for anyone reading, it's not a debate or conversation, just leaving a comment for the rep. They log the subject of your call and the action you want, will also prob take down enough info to confirm you're a constituent. So reading a script is just fine! And it's okay if your voice shakes and if you mispronounce something 💪🏼
So agree with all of this. My husband just lost his job and also navigating familial financial instability in the face of whatever the hell is going on politically socially and culturally AND also parent is just….another level of exhausting. But it helps to hear how others are navigating it.
Thanks for this 🙏 As a mom of a college student it’s a struggle too. Trying to balance involving the young adult in new, necessary, family decisions without scaring them with news that they don’t yet have full context for. Trying for wisdom, moment by moment
Yes! Even with a child weeks away from college graduation, it is hard to stay positive when I fear that his future plans are becoming less and less solid. What if the cutting of NIH funding means the university pulls back their invitation to do the PhD program he worked so hard to get accepted to? What if—God forbid—there’s a war or draft?
Oh man, I needed this today…thank god for potty training! I like your list of actions. I am always exhausted but I just tell myself “If I have time to catastrophize; I have time to do something constructive.” I too am committed to the actions on your list, as well as doing my very best, as a boy mom, to raise a man who acts the exact opposite of our current administration in every way.
I feel as if you took the words right from my soul. I am right there with you with 2 little boys, a full time job and the flame of resistance burning in my soul. Thank you for the reminder that doing whatever I can is the best I can do in this moment💙
I cried through this. I have a 14 month old daughter and that added lens makes all news heavier, scarier. But to raise her is resistance too. I appreciate this post so much. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder. When I feel mired in not doing enough, my therapist usually reminds me of how much mothers are all doing, (simply but not simply) by raising kids that care.
And ... divesting from Amazon and Audible for someone that loves her Kindle and audiobooks was actually easier than I thought. Since these awful men are so motivated by money, where we spend and don't spend really matters.
Thank you for this excellent article. I’m in my mid fifties with a YA kiddo who I homeschooled through the pandemic (fortunately with the aid of a great distance learning program). Kiddo is now graduated and working for a few years before attending college, we’re roommates after leaving my abusive ex last Fall. Parenting is hard at any age, it’s just different kinds of hard…1/6/2021 is burned into my memory forever because I was watching C-SPAN with kiddo for a civics lesson when she said, “hey Mom why are those people in the Capitol building?”. Since then it feels like I say, “this is not normal, this has never happened before in my lifetime” at least 3 times a week. No wonder teens have crippling anxiety nowadays. Motherhood has definitely radicalized me, especially as what little social support mothers have had has crumbled away before our eyes and we’re expected to be the entire effing social safety net ourselves.
Yes, my son was in virtual 1st grade having a session with his teacher by laptop while I had the news on mute. Just chilling to watch 1/6/21 while he was doing his daily check-in.
I can’t thank you enough for this post. Every day I feel like I’m not doing enough to combat this line of nightmares and just told a friend that yesterday actually. He reminded me that even bringing facts into my home, where we have one maga-t and one non-voter who identifies as republican, is me doing SOMETHING. My plate is so full and I’m scared of my children being targeted by retaliation but this list and reminder that I can do other things is exactly what I needed. Thank you for helping me remember I’m not alone❤️
Thank you! This is how I have been feeling. I am a mother of 5, mine are older but it is still very tough lately. My youngest 2 have special needs and are in HS. I toggle between honesty and protecting them. My youngest uses a wheelchair to get around. They have to come first. Fight back. Be loud. Stay safe. I am a warrior mom. We cannot quit. We cannot help but wish to mother the whole world. Save our Democracy. Again, thank you for writing this.
Out of all of the posts I've read on Substack about the latest batch of dystopian nightmares in America, this is the one that made me feel the most seen. Thank you for that.
I've been thinking a lot about the concept of embodied prayer lately; the idea that sometimes just living your life and doing each menial, mundane task to the best of your present ability can be a spiritual practice all on its own. Not that I'm a particularly spiritual person - "agnostic, on a good day," is pretty much my speed. But, it reminds me that the good work of building a better world starts with each of us, wherever we happen to be. For parents, a big part of that work is guiding/guarding the next vulnerable generation to adulthood through an increasingly hostile world.
Fellow parents, I see you. Our work truly matters, even when wiping runny noses (for the twelfth time today) and folding the (unending) laundry feels trivial in the face of so much darkness. We are the ones our children need. We are enough. ❤️
Yes! Raising children is such a radical act of hope in and of itself right now❤️we are enough
That's such a beautiful way to frame our work as parents.
My boys are in their thirties. I remember teachers not showing up for their IEPs. I remember being exhausted with work and hurrying to the parent teacher conference only to have their teacher not show up and they get away with it. I remember my sons assesment being halted by a principle and that same principle calling my son lazy. Doctor who was obviously not qualified to assess saying he wasnt ADD if he could sit for three hours and read a book but he couldn’t concentrate on math, physical ed or social studies. But I couldnt get the required referral.
I fought these fights so you wouldn’t have to and now it was all for nothing because of this administration. I’m exhausted just thinking about going back through that for my grandkids.
My kids are well adjusted adults now. I think its because they had caring parents that paid attention to them, played with them, read with them. No matter what your kids come first and you are a good parent.
Such beautiful mothering you did for your boys❤️I truly mean that. The fight was not for nothing, IEP mamas everywhere are picking up the sword and thanking you for all your work ❤️
Yep I’m in the IEP battles
I like that you provide action points here. (As a Canadian my actions will be different, but with the possible sinking of our economy too and the comments Trim makes about taking us over... I search for every sign I can that Americans are working to fix this mess.)
I don't know if mothering gets easier or harder as the kids get older. Mine are teens and so more independent, but that means I can't shelter them from anything that is happening in the world and I have to find ways of assuring them they still have a future even in those moments when I wondered if any of us do.
Best of luck... Stay strong and know you are not alone.
Christy, from an American mother just across the border, I’m genuinely outraged at how our current administration has treated your country. I have started looking for Canadian companies to support, and am continuing to write my representatives on a regular basis asking them to grow a pair and start treating Canada like the amazing neighbor you all are. There are a lot of us on your side ❤️
Yes it is giving Covid vibes. I knew it would be a shitshow and went ahead and filed for divorce on Nov 15. What’s one more nightmare
In the same boat you are. Wanting to take action but man I'm so depleted from the newly single mom wife. How do you keep track of the crazies happening everyday, on top of kid's school stuff, and work stuff, and making sure we have dinner, that we're clean, etc etc? I have divested from Amazon and Target, and have been shopping at the local co-op instead. I've started buying less. It's the little things. Making phone calls is kinda hard for me because I hate making phone calls, so I've opted to just started writing instead.
I loathe phone calls as well..the 5 calls app makes it really easy because you just call and read a provided script
Whew, that's a lot on your plate. I've significantly cut back on spending and have shifted my purchases, but still need to figure out how to divest from the companies I'm no longer buying from. If I can encourage you, I also detest phone calls but will echo Jade in recommending the 5 calls app. I'm calling all DEEP red reps and everyone I've spoken to has been very courteous. Lmk if you have any questions about how it goes or how to start. You may know this already but for anyone reading, it's not a debate or conversation, just leaving a comment for the rep. They log the subject of your call and the action you want, will also prob take down enough info to confirm you're a constituent. So reading a script is just fine! And it's okay if your voice shakes and if you mispronounce something 💪🏼
Thank you for putting it all into words. I didn’t think I’d be shopping for toddler bug-out bags but here we are
So agree with all of this. My husband just lost his job and also navigating familial financial instability in the face of whatever the hell is going on politically socially and culturally AND also parent is just….another level of exhausting. But it helps to hear how others are navigating it.
Thanks for this 🙏 As a mom of a college student it’s a struggle too. Trying to balance involving the young adult in new, necessary, family decisions without scaring them with news that they don’t yet have full context for. Trying for wisdom, moment by moment
Yes! Even with a child weeks away from college graduation, it is hard to stay positive when I fear that his future plans are becoming less and less solid. What if the cutting of NIH funding means the university pulls back their invitation to do the PhD program he worked so hard to get accepted to? What if—God forbid—there’s a war or draft?
I’m so sorry that we’re all having these worries at a time we should have the joy of our children successfully becoming adults
Oh man, I needed this today…thank god for potty training! I like your list of actions. I am always exhausted but I just tell myself “If I have time to catastrophize; I have time to do something constructive.” I too am committed to the actions on your list, as well as doing my very best, as a boy mom, to raise a man who acts the exact opposite of our current administration in every way.
What a great mantra. I think it will help me shift from frozen terror into some small actions for good.
I feel as if you took the words right from my soul. I am right there with you with 2 little boys, a full time job and the flame of resistance burning in my soul. Thank you for the reminder that doing whatever I can is the best I can do in this moment💙
I cried through this. I have a 14 month old daughter and that added lens makes all news heavier, scarier. But to raise her is resistance too. I appreciate this post so much. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder. When I feel mired in not doing enough, my therapist usually reminds me of how much mothers are all doing, (simply but not simply) by raising kids that care.
And ... divesting from Amazon and Audible for someone that loves her Kindle and audiobooks was actually easier than I thought. Since these awful men are so motivated by money, where we spend and don't spend really matters.
Thank you for this excellent article. I’m in my mid fifties with a YA kiddo who I homeschooled through the pandemic (fortunately with the aid of a great distance learning program). Kiddo is now graduated and working for a few years before attending college, we’re roommates after leaving my abusive ex last Fall. Parenting is hard at any age, it’s just different kinds of hard…1/6/2021 is burned into my memory forever because I was watching C-SPAN with kiddo for a civics lesson when she said, “hey Mom why are those people in the Capitol building?”. Since then it feels like I say, “this is not normal, this has never happened before in my lifetime” at least 3 times a week. No wonder teens have crippling anxiety nowadays. Motherhood has definitely radicalized me, especially as what little social support mothers have had has crumbled away before our eyes and we’re expected to be the entire effing social safety net ourselves.
Yes, my son was in virtual 1st grade having a session with his teacher by laptop while I had the news on mute. Just chilling to watch 1/6/21 while he was doing his daily check-in.
I have a two and four year old and have never read anything that has made me feel so seen. Thank you for sharing this.
I can’t thank you enough for this post. Every day I feel like I’m not doing enough to combat this line of nightmares and just told a friend that yesterday actually. He reminded me that even bringing facts into my home, where we have one maga-t and one non-voter who identifies as republican, is me doing SOMETHING. My plate is so full and I’m scared of my children being targeted by retaliation but this list and reminder that I can do other things is exactly what I needed. Thank you for helping me remember I’m not alone❤️
Thank you! This is how I have been feeling. I am a mother of 5, mine are older but it is still very tough lately. My youngest 2 have special needs and are in HS. I toggle between honesty and protecting them. My youngest uses a wheelchair to get around. They have to come first. Fight back. Be loud. Stay safe. I am a warrior mom. We cannot quit. We cannot help but wish to mother the whole world. Save our Democracy. Again, thank you for writing this.